HOPPING DOWN TO CHINATOWN

Ryan:  After years of watching Anthony Bourdain live the greatest life imaginable on television, I finally turned to Chris, my roommate and fellow blogger, and said, "fuck it...let's go have a Bourdain day."  We had just finished watching him pick the small island of Panang dry of incredible looking Chinese/Malaysian/Indian dishes.  With Chinatown being only a short walk from our apartment, we decided to Yelp-up the most traditional spots down there to try and emulate St. Anthony's experiences in Asia.


Chris:  Now I have been to Wo Hop down there a couple years ago, a small if not dilapidated place that serves so very delicious Chinese food but the lines to get in are usually long.  Then I remembered that St. Anthony went to Hop Kee on one episode and that food looked quite titillating.


Ryan:  So we headed down, opting to walk and do some preemptive calorie burning.  I've lived in New York for about four and a half years, and I can count the amount of times I've been to Chinatown with one finger.  The neighborhood, sitting in the shadows of the financial district, is much smaller and less bustling than I remember it as a child.  Eventually, we reached the hallowed ground of dim-sum, saucy pork dishes and mounds of rice- the southern end of Mott Street. A few women asked us if we'd care for a "ma-sa-gee", and this made it feel a bit closer to the Chinatown I remember.  After we briefly considered ditching the meal altogether and taking them up on the offer, Chris pointed out the stairs that descended down to Hop Kee and we made our way in.

Hop Kee 

21 Mott St.

New York, NY 10013

Chris:  Once inside the subterranean joint we're seated right away.  The decor of the place is nothing to write home about but then again, if you really need a fancy interior to enjoy Chinese food then you should probably go get a d-bag spray-tan and a pair of Armani sunglasses and head over to the Meat Packing District.


Ryan:  Can we move onto the menu?


Chris:  Right...sorry.  Anyway, the waiter brings us hot tea and fried noodles while we look over the menu.  We skip right over the Americanized menu that we're all so familiar with and head to some more traditional Cantonese
dishes.  We decide rather quickly to go with Cantonese Style Snails, Cantonese Style Crabs, Chinese Broccoli with Oyster Sauce and Steamed Sea Bass with ginger sauce.  The food seemed to be ready quicker than it took us to order it.

These snails, dripping in black bean sauce, are pretty damn good.  They're a bit of work to eat, as there's lot of sucking and digging with the provided tooth picks.  They're also messy, which leads to some finger-licking and lip smacking, and...what was I talking about again? Anyway, I recommend ordering these.

Cantonese style crabs.  Even messier than the snails.  I've heard mixed reviews on the crab but I thought it was as enjoyable as having a frosty beer on a hot summer's day while sitting in the shade as dogs run around playing with each other in the park. Now if you think that doesn't sound great then there is probably nothing that pleases you and you should follow the d-bags I sent to the meat packing district.

Ryan:  Chris, there's no need for all this aggression.  Do you think those people are actually capable of reading or using a computer? We have to speak to our audience...all three of them.


Chris:  Sorry.  I had too much coffee and I just recently heard that Tyler Perry has another movie coming out.....it's...it's been a rough day.


Ryan:  Perfectly understandable but let's stick to the food.

Steamed sea bass in soy ginger sauce...yum yum come get some.  Our fish was moist and very flavorful. Once again I've heard mixed things on the fish here and that you might get one that's rather dry and dull.  Well I don't know if we were lucky or maybe the few bad reviews I read were from people who just happened to go on a bad day.  Or maybe they just suck as patrons and were treated to crap food, I don't know! Frankly I don't give a damn cause our meal was very enjoyable.

For the better part of the past decade, I've weened Chinese food out of my food selection process.  I saw it as too oily and fatty and after eating it I never felt very good.  Of course I used to order General Tso's chicken, egg rolls, and shrimp toast but Hop Kee has given me a reason to re-think my decision.  I just can't order these Americanized dishes anymore with too much MSG!  I didn't drink any alcohol here so I'm not sure if they even have a liquor license.  What I do know is that they only accept cash and that Ryan was the brave one to walk around looking for an ATM.  After about 10 minutes, I started thinking that this son of a bitch skipped out of the check and I was going to have to bust out of there like I robbed the joint.  

I was half way in the door of one of those "ma-sa-gee" joints, but my conscience got the better of me. So I came back, paid the very reasonable check and we headed out- but not before I grabbed a token of the travels of St. Anthony:

For dessert, we went to il laboratorio del gelato which is located on the corner of Ludlow Street and Houston.  Pretty much the perfect thing to have after eating Chinese food.  Chris went for heavy gelato (malt and maple), while I, sadly unable to digest such treats, opted for a cucumber and melon sorbet.   The orgasmic sounds emanating from Chris let me know that the gelato was legit.  My sorbet was delicious and refreshing, but I played up how good it was so Chris wouldn't know the extent of my gelato-related jealousy. 

il laboratorio del gelato

188 Ludlow Street

New York, NY 10002

All-in-all, the first of our weekly forays into the life and times of our patron saint, Mr. Anthony Bourdain, was a huge success.  We plan on doing one of these once a week (as our schedules and wallets allow), so check back later this week for our second entry, which asks and answers the question, "can you get real, traditional Thai food in New York?"(spoiler alert: the answer is a resounding"yes").